it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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