You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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