My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
