Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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