it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
