Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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