i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
