I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
