I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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