Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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