Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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