ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
