hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
