there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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