We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
