Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
