She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
