I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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