She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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