If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
smell my finger.
sarcasm needs its own font
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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