Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
