God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
zippers are such a cool invention
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
