we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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