He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
