he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
