i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
porn star boner night. come get it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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