Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
