Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
