What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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