break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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