Rock
Scissors
Fuck
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize