You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
