someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
a search helicopter?!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize