I just pynch a tree in the face
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
