we have officially lost it.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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