Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
