Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
