the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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