No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
