so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Boobs speak an international language.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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