I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
