I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
