okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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