The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
