3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
