The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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