they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
