I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
