Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
