And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
