THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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