i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
