I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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