Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
