Just fell off a train. Bad.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
