Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
