Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
