nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
