I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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