I am puke
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
