I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
