i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Randomize
