he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
