Your face is a jimmy john
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
