end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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