Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
