i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
