I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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