dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
