He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
