Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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