Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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