There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
