The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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