I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
