This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
