I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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