this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
