is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
