dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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