I wish i was in the wii world.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
