Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
