just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
