I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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