You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
