Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
