i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
