She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
