Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
