I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
