can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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