half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
