I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize