she was so not down for the gang bang
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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