ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
