that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
